dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
