No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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