Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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