i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
