I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
