Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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