My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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