so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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