guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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