i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
