Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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