we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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