when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
