Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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