is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
