oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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