bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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