It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
