She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
