happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
