Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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