did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
