Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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