it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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