bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
