i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
