Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
