Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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