I hate your face
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
