Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
