Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
