put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
