last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
