I am puke
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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