ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
