i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
