it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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