I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
