Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
