a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dear god my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
