He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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