Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
