I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
