Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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