Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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