Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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