When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
