So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
