I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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