honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
where does the pee come out of this thing
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
