This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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