last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
