my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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