Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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